It was December 2014 when GOD gave me the blessing I can't resist, my license. I am a licensed civil engineer at the age of 23.
25th of January 2015 when I was hired as a Technical Facilitator in KALAHI-CIDSS, "Kapit Bisig Laban sa Kahirapan-Comprehensive Delivery of Social Services" a program of Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD). I was assigned in Bilar, Bohol. 19 barangays were on my hands, the success of each Sub-projects on each barangay depends on me. Everyday I went to different barangays for a visit, meeting, bidding, and etc, then after I focused myself on my laptop in making different reports at our office. That was my job, my life, and even my nightmare.
This is were we rented. Just a walk away from our office.
It was already March at that time when I knew I was pregnant. At first, to be honest, I was not ready because of our situation that it was only me who was working. That I should carry all the finances, I was afraid to ask financial support from my family since that was already my second child.
One month old inside my tummy, attending a Workshop at Bohol Plaza. I started gaining weight.
At the view deck.
3 months old pregnant. Attended a cluster meeting held in Guindulman, Bohol.
Going 4 mos. I noticed in this picture that I was not healthy, but during this time, I thought all was going well.
Month of April when I noticed that I had spotting, it was not normal, I knew. But I forced myself to believed that It was normal. Bilar is far from the City, I never had a chance to had a checked up with an OB-GYNE. I experienced the pain early morning, like a severe dysmenorrhea. I felt the pain on my anus part. I was about to had a miscarriage. I noticed the blood on my underwear. But after 10 minutes maybe, the pain subsides. I went to the CR to had my bath, then went to to the office and then went to field. It was daily that I experienced sever headache, I thought it was only because of stress from work. I continued that life until the end of April. We went home in Guindulmn (Partner's side), there I was able to called for a "hilot". The woman said, my baby was about to go out. After that, my pregnancy went normal, except for the headache. I had a one month rest for the whole month of May. By June, I went to the city to find work. I was hired by a private firm as a resident engineer. I had a little salary at that time. It was very hard for me knowing I already have a family. But still I endured it. I had a monthly prenatal check ups, took all the vitamins given by the doctor.
This was July, showing my baby bump.
As you can see on this photo, my body was not normal.
I had an ultrasound, SHE IS A GIRL.
I named her, HEZEKIAH CAZEL.
I was soo excittedddddddd....
On the last part of October, I talked to my baby and to GOD that I want to give birth on November 01 so that my 2nd baby will have the same birthday as her father.
But On October 30, I was already in labor but not on severe pain. The pain come and goes. It was God's plan that my older sister arrived in our house and accompanied me to the birthing facility. At 7:00 PM, we arrived there, they check my BP, I had a 160/100, they let me drink medicine to normalize my pressure before I give birth. I had an IE, she told me that maybe I will deliver my child at 10PM, she said she already feel the head of the baby. So I was happy because I will delivered her normally. She let me drink a tablet for faster labor.
At around 11 PM. I cannot bear the pain anymore, so they transferred me on a delivery bed. I had an IE again but the woman told me, "LUBOT" gauna man. I saw in her face that she was scared. But me, I never felt any emotion at all. I was conscious, I wasn't scared, I wasn't afraid. One thing in my mind was that I should deliver this child normally as possible. I pushed so hard, 4x maybe, I DID IT. I did it while I had a high blood pressure. Nothing bad happened to me. JESUS STILL LOVES ME.
But my daughter was not crying, she's was all white. I did not see any mark of red or pink in her body. They revived her....It was minutesssssss until she cried. I was happy. Really happy. That was the only feeling I felt. My sister told me, "ta, wa man ma develop iya feet". I just hugged my daughter, I didn't feel anything like "kalooy" towards my daughter just because she has undeveloped feet. I told my sister, "daghan man ways jing mabutangan ug tiil". At that moment, I already planned what would would be my first step to find an artificial feet for my baby.
We transferred to our room, since I still didn't had a breast milk yet, we let her drink the commercial milk. She is very strong. She kicks, she cries. She's normal except that she has undeveloped feet. But every time she is on our room, she cries, so my sister carry her on the outside, she stopped crying.
November 01 morning when we were discharged..When we arrived home, she was sleeping beside me. My mother in-law and my partner noticed that she was in fever, so I let my brother in-law to buy paracetamol. I let her drink but her fever still goes up. We decided to bring her to the hospital but she fainted but I ignore it. Her lips turned to white from pink. I told her "nak dool nata hospital". I carried her. I hugged her. Around 200 meter before the hospital I saw a coffee-like that came out from her nose and mouth, her head, wala nay umoy.
When we arrived at the hospital the lady doctor approached us and asked us what happened. They performed necessary operations to save my daughter. But the doctor told me "maam wala naman kinabuhe imung baby gidala nimu diri". In short, my daughter was "DEAD ON ARRIVAL".
I cried, I really cried, I did not knew what to do. I didn't knew whom to cry on, where to cry. Why it happened to me. What happened. My mind was blank. I did not have money. What to do?
The hospital told me that my baby should be brought to a morgue. When we brought her there, they asked for a cash to perform an operation to preserve my baby for 2 days. I did not have money but thanks GOD coz there are people who were there to support us. My family esp. to my siblings and parents, to my partners family and relatives.
We brought her to Valencia Cemetery to buried her there. It was my choice. A mother's choice.
After a month, it was December when I was admitted because my BP was 160/100. My doctor told me that during my pregnancy I had already an elevated BP but the OB-GYBE didn't told me about this, that's why I had an ill felling towards her until now. After I was admitted, that was the start of my severe anxiety and depression.
Depression. It changes me. It changes my being. It changes everything.
But thanks GOD I am aware.
Still GOD love me to infinity and beyond.
